When You’re Going Through Hell….

They say when you going through to keep going because you will get out of it. I NEVER thought after being stuck in Hell since I was an infant that I would get out of it..and ALIVE..But I DID. After 37 years on this Earth I slammed the door shut on that portal to Hell! I can remember the past if I want, and do so with no emotions attached. I have taken any positive memories and often think of them, replacing the traumatic ones. The best times in my life were with my Grandma, she was my Mom, My Dad, My best pal, she was everything to me. Next month will be 1 year since Jesus took her home to Heaven..Very much where she belongs cause she truly was an angel on Earth.

Last Thursday I had surgery on a few medical procedures on my nose. At times like these are when I was the most thankful I had depersonalization. But after being a few weeks free of DP and PTSD symptoms my ability to detach was Completely GONE! I tried to put on a brave face for husband and kids, but I broke down. Where once I would completely detach and go into survival mode, I became ALIVE and couldn’t. I did all the surgery prep as I was present in my body. I could feel the stiffness of the hospital gown, the warm from a blanket a nurse had given me, I felt the iv and other meds being administered as I was being prepped to be rolled into surgery. I felt a peace. Not gonna lie I attempted to detach several times..but I couldn’t. At that moment I realized I became REAL.

The Hospital staff was amazing, my DR had told the staff I had PTSD so they were extremely loving with me. I did expect to have a panic attack or go bananas in one way or another…but I DIDN’T! I woke up peacefully from surgery and remained calm during recovery. Prior to surgery I started reading a book “How to use your body to heal your mind” by Dr Henry Grayson. From mental health to physical…every answer I’ve search for to unlock the secrets..Dr Graysons book was literally being handed the key I have Prayed for ALL my life. Not only am I experiencing the mental aspect but the physical. A surgery that takes a “week or two” to heal or up to a month. I was completely healed within 2 days, off painkillers, functioning feeling better than ever. Mentally I was healed, and with help from Dr Grayson and Bilateral stimulation provided by my therapist I made AMAZING progress.

Today I took my kids out and about, I was calm and felt peaceful. I had a few times today that I felt my brain shift which I know so well what means for me..it was an intrusive thought trying to hijack my brain. I felt what my brain was doing, but horrific images never came about. I simply acknowleged the feeling and let it float away on a cloud. I have grown up as far back as I can remember being tortured by them, prior to medical intervention and therapy I was having them more 50 times a day. In Dr Graysons he states that medical intervention is the Number 1 cause of death in America. I think back to all the meds Doctors tried to throw at me to see what would stick, From Zoloft, Lexapro, Zyprexa, Thorazine, Geodon, Vistaril, Klonopin, Lorazepam, etc and etc. for 2 years I became a guinea pig. Adding meds, raising meds, decreasing, all the bullshit of meds. 2 times I was admitted to the nut house against my will. I went from taking 7 medications a day down to 3! And low doses. I know I will be off all meds this year cause it’s not the meds I need. I don’t need a band aide when I have all the aswers from Dr Grayson that has PROVEN amazing results in less than 2 weeks.

My life as I know it now, is where I’ve always begged the Lord to bring all my life. It’s been a LONG hard journey. But it was worth it. Now that I live, I can use the power within me to be HEALED. I have gone from reading “How to use your body to heal your mind” by Dr Henry Grayson to studying it. You can search for Dr Henry Grayson on Youtube..or google him. Your mind WILL be blown. Its time for us to know the secret to healing and how to use the power we have. If you’re breathing..it’s NOT to late. It’s time to LIVE!

I never thought this would be MY post…Never Ever Ever..But it IS and I Pray this post can help many others too.

XO- LJ

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